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Performance Anxiety Blog |
Tom chose to challenge the thought "I am not a real man". Having assumptions about gender roles, of which we are not necessarily aware, is not unique to Tom. In this Thought Challenge Tom questions the validity of his increasingly convincing belief that he is not a "real" man.
I am not a real man
I can’t have an erection
Real men can perform sexually
My virility is not ALL that defines who I am
Manhood is more than being able to have an erection
Being a "real" man is more than being masculine, and I do have some good qualities as a person
I have a serious case of erectile dysfunction that complicates my marriage, but it does not define the whole of who I am
I am not a real man
90%
I am not a real man
33%
Rules and assumptions usually affect the way we interpret specific situations. The belief that in order to be a real or worthy man it is necessary to perform sexually seems deeply rooted in Tom’s mind
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Tom chose to challenge the thought "She has no respect for me"
She has no respect for me
We always end up going where she wants to go
She is not even trying to hear what I’d like to do
She makes most of the decisions in our relationship
She doesn’t say anything offensive to me
I don’t really try to say what I’d like to do
Liking to be in charge doesn’t necessarily mean she has no respect for me
Melanie respects me as a person, not as the "head" of the household
She has no respect for me
90%
She has no respect for me
40%
Tom's new "Balanced Thought" is still a rather negative assessment of his situation, but not as drastic. Therapists often inquire about the exact words that were used in a conversation in order to better understand facts, before they become distorted by the negative interpretation of a client under emotional distress.
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